


Curses That Don't Exist

by DiYunho



Category: DCU, Suicide Squad (2016), The Joker - Fandom, The Joker Jared Leto - Fandom, The Joker dcu - Fandom, joker DCU
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Humor, Angst and Romance, Betrayal, Comfort/Angst, Curse Breaking, Curses, Emotional, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Roller Coaster, Emotions, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Forests, Funny, Gotham City - Freeform, Hilarious, Joker (DCU) Has Issues, Joker (DCU) Played by Jared Leto, Light Angst, Love, Love Confessions, Love/Hate, Redemption, Reincarnation, Remorse, Romantic Fluff, The Joker Jared Leto, True Love, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Villains, Witch Curses, Witches, Women Being Awesome, Women In Power, jinx
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-14 13:41:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29668143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DiYunho/pseuds/DiYunho
Summary: “Curses That Don’t Exist” happens to be one of Y/N’s favorite books and despite the title indicating the maledictions aren’t real, something weird occurred: the hex she wished upon her former boyfriend came true. The woman might not be a sorceress, yet her broken heart turned The Joker into the unlucky recipient of his own self-made hell.
Relationships: Joker (DCU) & You, Joker (DCU)/Reader, Joker/Y/N, Joker/ex-girlfriend, The Joker/Reader, The Joker/You
Kudos: 9





	Curses That Don't Exist

**Author's Note:**

> You can also follow me on Tumblr and Ao3 under the same blog name: DiYunho.

Which curse you wished to come true you ask? It’s very simple: the jinx enabling the one that broke a heart to be incarnated into unhuman life forms 7 times while awaiting atonement. If the cursed person won’t feel any remorse for what they have done by the time he/she reaches the 7th metamorphosis, they will forever be trapped as that last creature.

For The Joker it happened 3 days ago: he was chased by cops after a bank robbery went wrong downtown Gotham City and found himself surrounded on the bridge passing Yukonison River. Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide so the unique solution was for him to abandon the vehicle and jump into the treacherous waters.

J never emerged from under the waves because the hex kicked in: he found himself trapped in Y/N’s gravitational field and knowing how much guilt he feels for anything, quite doomed to have his fate sealed by the curse.

1\. Skunk

Oh my God, did you panic or what?! You were watering the flowers in the backyard when you saw the skunk charging your way; you threw the hose away and rushed inside, slamming the patio door closed. The animal kept screeching at the entrance, relentlessly clawing the wood frame; it made you wonder if it had rabies or something. The Joker was actually shouting your name, not that you understood:

“Y/N!!! Y/N!! It’s me, let me in! Something eerie is going on! Y/N! It’s J!!! Y/N!!!!!!”

Since you lived near the woods outside Gotham City, you fed a few cute skunks often venturing on the property but that particular specimen didn’t seem familiar.

“Y/N!!! Y/N!!! It’s me, please let me in!” J kept begging and stopped for a few moments. “What the hell is that odor??!!” he sniffed the air towards his tail and gasped. “Holy crap, I stink!!!”

The revelation was quite a shock for the usually very groomed and nice smelling Clown Prince of Crime, thus the 3 baby skunks showing up to see if you left food for them didn’t help.

“Dad!! Dad!!!” they clung to him and The Joker got pissed at the little ones.

“Get lost! I’m not your dad!!! Y/N!! Y/N!!!! Disappear you pests!” he tried to bite them when the real parents scouting the yard for their youngsters saw the scene and attacked J because they perceived him as dangerous.

He split immediately, unwilling to fight the couple already scolding their children:

“What are you kids doing?! I told you not to talk to strangers! We only trust the nice lady that leaves food for us!”

“Sorry dad, we were just messing around…” the oldest apologized and their mom shrieked at their father:

“This all your fault, you spoil them too much!”

In the meantime, J sped up towards the fence and the hex decided he was too far from you, thus he was pulled back by Y/N’s malediction.

2\. Spider

This one was really short lived.

You were quite startled by the crazy animal’s behavior, yet it was gone. Thank goodness!

You span on your heels with the brilliant idea of chugging some water from the fridge when your heart skipped a beat: the biggest, nastiest spider you ever saw was moving its creepy legs on the wood floor, swiftly intending to get to you.

“Y/N!!!! Y/N!!!!!” The Joker yelled. “I’m freaking out!!! What’s happening? Help me! Help me, Y/N! Wait, wait! It’s me!!!!” your ex panicked when you grabbed the closest object from the coffee table: your “Curses That Don’t Exist” book. “Hey, don’t! DOOON’T!!!!”  
Bam! you dropped the tome on the unfortunate recipient of your rage.

“Aaaahhh!” you screamed, appalled. “Take this!!!” you stepped on the publication to make sure the monster won’t escape from under it. “Ha-yaaa!!!” you did it again for good measure, then carefully lifted the book and there was nothing to see.

“Shit!” you bit your lip while searching the premises for the culprit. You could have sworn you got him!

You got him alright, but his body disintegrated as a result of the curse and J woke up in the backyard transformed into another avatar.

3\. Snail

Took The Joker two hours to move 3 inches; although the grass wasn’t tall that wasn’t the point. He saw you gardening among the flowers and vegetable patches and strained his tiny lungs to the maximum during a hopeless race with the curse.

“Y/NNNN!!! Help me!! Y/N!!! I’m over here!”

You were minding your own business, totally immersed into your task when you noticed the minuscule creature barely advancing on the ground.

“Hey buddy, what are you doing in the sun, hm?” you picked J up and gently placed him under the apple tree. “Stay in the shade.”

The King of Gotham attempted to get your attention to no avail; Y/N was distracted by the deers emerging from the forest bordering your house.

“There you are; I’ve been waiting for you,” you giggled and snatched the basket filled with apples put aside for them. They all approached waiting for their usual treats as The Clown protested his fate.

“Y/N!!!! Please don’t go! Help me!!! Umph!” he yelped when the crow resting on the branches above spotted the delicious snack which shortly ended up in its beak. “Let go you pile of germs!” J admonished as the bird flew with the prey and the jinx didn’t allow any delays: when the bird was too far from you, puff! The snail vanished.

4\. Dog

You just finished the apples for your cute visitors and the crow that wanted to eat the snail landed on your shoulder, cawing up a storm about the ordeal of losing its afternoon feast.

“What’s wrong?” you caressed the velvety feathers since the raven did this on a regular basis: you found him in the forest two years ago with a broken wing, thus you took him home and nurture him until he was healthy. You set him free, but the raven kept returning, often bringing shiny gifts stolen for his savior. You have a box filled with treasures: coins, jewelry, buttons, keys… Even bones.

In time, more crows gathered around the property which is nice because they take care of rodents. Plus, one could say you have your own murder of crows. How neat is that?

The crow split once the barking was heard from the other side of the fence. You snickered at the bird’s reaction, loudly inquiring:

“Rex, is that you?”

The German shepherd belonged to your neighbor two miles up from your residence and loved to wonder off to see Y/N a few days a week.

Actually, it wasn’t Rex barking: it was The Joker as a curly poodle imploring for assistance.

“Y/N!!!! Help me please!!! I’m not sure what the heck is happening! Y/NNN!!! Do something!! Stop sniffing my butt, weirdo!” he snapped at Rex who was actually there also, taking interest in the newcomer. “Squirrel!!!” J detected a fur ball in the acorn across the street and couldn’t hold in in: both canines dashed to catch the menace. 

Unfortunately, that meant he was too far from you and whoosh! he disappeared, heading towards his next reincarnation.

5\. Squirrel

J materialized in your pine nut tree, assiduously shoving seeds in his mouth without realizing.

He watched Rex enjoying the food and water you offered, then he came to his senses.

“What the fuck am I doing??!!” he spat out the seeds then crawled down, making a run for it. “Y/N!!!!Help me!!! Y/N!!!!”

Rex’s ears went straight up and he shrugged at the sight of a nuisance he liked to chase.

You laughed while the dog chasing the fluffy squirrel all over the place; you wouldn’t have probably been amused by The Joker’s screams though.

“Y/N!!! Quit it, you stupid dog!!!First you sniff my butt and now this??? Y/N!!! I have to talk to you!! Y/N!!! Help!!”

The King didn’t have an opportunity to get close to you; the solution was to jump over the shed and scamper into the forest. When he was to far… puff! Gone and back to Y/N.

6\. Mosquito

“Poor baby,” you caressed Rex’s big head, giggling. He kept whimpering, upset he lost his toy. “You should leave the squirrels alone, they don’t want to play with you.”

Bzzzzzzz, you perceived the sound, yet you didn’t see J. Bzzzzzzzz….

“Y/N, I’m completely flipping out!!! You gotta help me!! Y/N!!”

Everything you discerned was a bunch of bzzzzzz, bzzzz, bzzzz… the insect landed on your wrist.

“A-ha!” you slowly moved your fingers from Rex’s soft coating. Slap! you caught the offender and when you gazed under your palm… zero, zip, nada. How strange…

No doubt you managed to seize the mosquito: that only meant J’s incarnation was done and he hopped into the next one.

7\. Cat

This morning you found a cute gray cat on the patio, meowing at the sliding door until you opened it.

“Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow,” the pet sneaked inside the house, sniffing the air. The Joker was whining about his hardships to a woman that didn’t comprehend nor was aware of whom he was.

“Hey kitty,” you bent over and scratched its side.

“Maaaawwww,” the cat yawned, super exhausted after such eventful adventures.

“Who do you belong to, hm?” you searched for a collar and there was none. “Com’ere, “ you lifted J up in your arms and he touched your mouth with his left front paw.

“Y/N, it’s me!!! It’s J!”

“Aren’t you friendly?” you kissed the pink cushions, smiling. “Let’s see if any of the neighbors lost their cat. You don’t look familiar,”’ you concluded because you’re acquainted with all the pets in the area.

“Maaaw, maw, maw.”

Also a meow added for the hell of it.

“You’re talkative. What are you saying?” you chuckled and picked up the phone, dialing the numbers of all the people residing around you. Nobody reported any new pet or male cat missing.

The King almost fell asleep in your embrace but something got his attention.

“Oh my God!” he gasped and darted on the kitchen table when he saw a slice of Y/N’s Scrumptious Royal Apple Pie on a plate. How he missed the taste of his favorite desert! His ex-girlfriend was an excellent cook and baker-- pretty much everything she prepared became his favorite. She made the recipe before they were together, yet once they were an item she added a crown made of dough for The King of Gotham right in the middle of the pie. That’s how Y/N Scrumptious Apple Pie became Royal too.

There was no trace of a crown now and hasn’t been for the last 7 months, not that it bothered J.

“No kitty, no!” you reprimanded and tried to separate the cat from the food. “I don’t think that’s good for you!”

The deep growl coming from the impromptu visitor warned he won’t put up with it.

“Fine, suit yourself. If you get sick it will be your fault.”

You supervised the beast scarfing down the pastry, then once his belly was full The Joker stretched and was instantly removed from the table.

“This was an exception, mister. You’re not allowed on the kitchen table, ok?”

“Meooow,” J got cozy in your arms again.

“You’re a handsome fellow, aren’t you?” you studied your new protégé. “Such blue eyes! My former boyfriend had blue eyes…” Y/N pouted and grumbled. “And a PHD in bullshit.”

“Maaaww,” the sharp teeth sunk in your skin.

“Ouch! Hey! No! Bad kitty!” you squeezed the furry cat and he released his hold. “Mister, I’m having seconds thoughts about keeping you for the moment!”

“You asked for it, Y/N! I don’t have a PHD in bullshit! I’m purposely being perfect, understand?...Ugh, I didn’t mean to bite you! You have to help me! Please Y/N!” The Joker lamented and you found it adorable the animal reached for your face until the whiskers tickled your cheek.

“Aren’t you vocal?” the smirking woman untangled her white hair from the cats’ claws.

Y/N’s hair turned white in her early twenties and never dyed it; she said some people pay money to have silver locks thus she kept it natural.

“Are you thirsty?” you carried your companion across the living room towards the bathroom where you turned on the water in the sink for him. “I’ll get you a dish, ok? This is just temporary.”

J licked the water in a frenzy as Y/N abandoned him and went on the couch to watch a movie and relax. He found you sipping on your coffee so he curled up in your lap, exhausted.

“Comfortable?” you pated the blue eyed monster purring on your knees. “At least you like my thighs, unlike my ex,” you frowned at the memory. “I caught him staring…I think he hated my thighs. They’re not exactly small…”

“What?” J was suddenly alert. “No, I liked your thighs; that’s why I was glaring!”

“You’ll like sleeping on my tummy too. I definitely don’t have a six pack. I think he detested my tummy,” the increasingly annoyed Y/N raised her voice. “Well, he can enjoy his perfect Bianca! If he didn’t like me the way I am it’s his loss!!”

“What are you taking about?!” the meowing wouldn’t stop. “I liked your tummy! When did I stated otherwise?!”

The truth is he didn’t say a word about it either way which later translated into you believing he detested your body each instance you noticed him averting his eyes when caught staring.

“It’s my cousin’s fault!” you huffed, irritated to the maximum.

Richard aka Panda has been on your shit list since you and J broke up because he always bragged about what an amazing cook you are, thus his boss had to find out for himself. That’s how it all started then it ended up in flames. Definitely no glory.

Y/N seized the cell phone next to her, snarling in the mike:

“Siri, remind me to strangle Richard!”

Siri happily obliged:

“Reminder set.”

“Maw, maw, maaww, maw, maw, maw, meeooowww, meow, meow!”

“You need to go outside?” you asked at the excruciating noises.

The Joker fought your decision; nevertheless, he was left on the porch without too many options besides mooching nearby waiting for you to let him back in.

Meanwhile, a flock of sparrows landed on the trees close to your house, chirping questions for the deers walking on the path leading to the apple shrub:

“Hey, hey! Can you tell us if this is the place where the witch lives?”

“U-hum,” the majestic buck with huge antlers replied at more wildlings being drawned to her.

“We made it, she’s here!” the flock joyfully chirped and one of the small fawns was curious about the conversation:

“Dad, is the lady that gives us apples a witch?!”

The buck bowed his head in sign of respect, explaining to the little ones:

“Of course she is. She just doesn’t know it yet.”


End file.
